It’s inevitable. Love goggles, much like beer goggles, do eventually come off. Unlike beer goggles, which snap off the next morning after getting sober, love goggles can take years to come off. But eventually they do, and this is when you get the full sense of the partner you married… and how their viewpoint on life may be so different from yours. From managing spending and paying the bills to having children, thinking about retirement, and more.
But now that you’re in it, it’s time to find solutions. Marriage counselor Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil’s new book, Make Up Not Break Up, offers a guide to couples who seem to have lost their way. Dr. Bonnie notes that she very frequently sees couples who, despite their seemingly all-consuming love, had never had the necessary discussions to prepare them for a life together.
She notes that the beginning of any serious relationship should include discussions of what each party wants in the future. “These discussions can offer a microcosm of what marriage would be like if the couple ends up together,” she explains. “Engaging in this type of dialogue allows for fact-finding without being pushy.”
The things that eventually trip couples up, Weil notes, include disagreements about sex, friendships with other people, how finances are handled, and how to handle attractions to other people. “Staying together in the long run is less about compatibility than it is about problem-solving,” she concludes.